15/? scenes featuring clara’s theme
Look, what I’m trying to say is… I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.
you dont just say “i love you” to your boyfriend(!) when you’re looking DIRECTLY at someone else
Doctor who 8.08 “Mummy on the Orient Express”
▬ Guest starring “The Belt”
I was thinking about how and when Clara ended up setting the contact photo for the Doctor as a stick insect holding a top hat and then this drabble happened.
"Doctor, stand still." She’d been following him around for ages, trying to get a photo au naturel, but he was too restless. So far every picture had been a grey, black, and red blur.
"Why? You’re not standing still. You’ve been following me like a duckling. You haven’t imprinted on me have you? Do humans imprint?" He asked, peering at her closely.
now shut up, and give me some planets!
Clara: “Do you love it?”
Doctor: “Love what?”
Clara: “I know it’s scary and difficult, but do you love being the man making the impossible choice?”
Doctor: “Why would I?”
Clara: “Because it’s what you do: all day, every day.”
Doctor: “It’s my life.”
Clara: “Doesn’t have to be. Is it like…”
Doctor: “Like what?”
Clara: “…an addiction?”
Doctor: “Well, you can’t really tell if something is an addiction until you try to give it up.”
Clara: “And you never have.”
Doctor: “Let me know how it goes.”
Let’s be clear on something—Clara is not addicted to the Doctor, nor to traveling.
There is an old adage in writing, of show not tell. It basically means that you never give away the emotions or feelings of your characters straight out, rather you hide the clues and meaning in the text. The fact that Clara mentions this idea here, and then the Doctor explicitly turns it around on her, is meant to be a signal to us that she is not addicted to the TARDIS life.
But then, of course, why does she immediately have a turn around a few moments later when it is time for her to say her final goodbye to the Doctor? The answer is in the earlier conversation she had with the Doctor:
“This, this is why I am leaving you. Because you lied. You lied to me again, and now you’ve made me lie. You’ve made me your…accomplice.”
Clara’s time with the Doctor has made her into one thing: a good liar. But the problem is that she is not just lying to other people, like Danny and the Doctor, but also to herself. She suggests addiction because it is a simpler and neater explanation than the real reason she can’t leave the Doctor: she is in love with him; a man who (she thinks) does not love her back.
The Doctor’s words to Clara in Deep Breath are still causing massive ramifications, even now. Clara has been fighting against her feelings ever since the Doctor informed her he was not her boyfriend. She never wanted to choose between the Doctor and Danny, never even wanted them to come into contact with each other, because in order for her to choose, she would have to be honest with herself first. And Clara is definitely not ready to do that.
“Sometimes the only choices you have are bad ones. But you still have to choose.”
It is no coincidence that when Clara announces her choice at the end of the episode, her decision to stay on the TARDIS, she lies to the Doctor about Danny’s culpability in her earlier choice. Clara has gotten very good at lying, so much so that she has now once again pushed the two men in her life back into safe little slots. This way, she never has to confront what she feels if she gives neither of them up.
The sad truth is, that until Clara is honest, the battle she has raging within her will never really end.
It kind of makes you wonder if what she wants, more than anything, is for the Doctor to tell her that it is time to surrender.
You’re relieved soldier.